


to all i'm leaving behind

by asiren (meliorismo)



Category: Inception (2010)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Gen, Motherhood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-26 15:39:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14405229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meliorismo/pseuds/asiren
Summary: my love, my soul, my body: all that i have, i gave to you.





	to all i'm leaving behind

Mallorie didn’t want to say goodbye. 

She watched her children, who were taking a nap, and thought about giving up.  _ I can stay here _ , she thought,  _ with them, even if it couldn’t possibly be real. I can stay, if I pretend for just a little longer… _

Mallorie thought about taking her babies with her. She had read about those mothers who kill themselves and also their sons and their daughters; it was such a terrible thing, but it wouldn't, of course, be the same with her. Those women took the only life their children had. They were, of course, cold-blooded murderers; the worst kind.

It wouldn’t be the same with her. She wasn’t trying to escape  _ reality; _ it was the opposite. She wished to go back home, take back what used to be hers. For how long had she been asleep? Just a few seconds, a few minutes? Or was it longer?

She watched the beautiful hair of fake Phillipa. In the end, it was the real issue: those weren't her children. Well, they sure looked like them, but they weren’t and Mallorie  _ knew  _ that. It would be better if she left everything behind. The lies, the house — the stolen moments with her fake husband and her fake family. 

“Mommy?” James blinked at her, muttering. Probably worried about waking up his sister, or afraid that Mallorie would disappear like smoke. She had been a terrible mother; negligent and quick to anger. She knew that, and that was one of the many motives for her to choose what she chose. Even those projections deserved better than her. 

_ You can stay,  _ someone whispered at her ear,  _ you can stay here forever… _

“Yes, my angel?” Mallorie asked, sitting down close to her son, the floor cold against her legs. She blinked away a few tears, afraid that she would frighten him; what would she do then? If he started crying, and then Phillipa followed, what she could possibly do beside whisper reassurances, give up on her plan, stay there forever with these children who would never grow up, and leave behind the real James and the real Phillipa who were waiting for her to wake up? 

It was such a terrible choice. 

That’s why she couldn’t take them with her. They were like sand, that even wet would still escape by your fingers, leaving you helpless to do anything but accept and move on. She would wake up and these soft, lovely projections would be gone. 

What would she do then? 

(Sometimes you have to spare yourself of the pain). 

“Are you going away?” he asked, small. She made soothing noises, shh, shh. Mommy is here. 

“No”, she answered, smiling at him. “Why do you ask?” 

James blinked at her, his tiny fist holding tight the stuffed bear. She remembered giving it to him, and remembered the happiness that she felt when it became his favorite toy, more than the octopus that Don bought him a few weeks before that. James always liked that bear because it was green and had kind eyes, nothing like the real animal at all. Arthur told her that he probably felt safer with it, but what did Arthur know? He never had children, too busy and too important for small things like that. 

“All the lights are out”, he told Mallorie, and her heart broke in a million pieces. “And you were just standing there…”

“Mommy is having a terrible migraine”, she muttered, running her hand on his soft hair. He was so small, could fit so easily against her chest. She thought again about taking him with her, and Phillipa, too. In the end, though, she was too scared. How could she kill her own children? 

_ It wouldn’t be the same,  _ the voice said.  _ You wouldn’t be like  _ them. 

“Can you read me a story?” James asked, still looking sad. She always told Don that you can’t fool children. They see everything that you wished they wouldn’t. 

“Of course, angel.” she said, miserable too. “Which one do you want?” 

“The woman with the shoe.” 

"Okay, let me remember it… I think it goes, there was an old woman who lived in a shoe", she started, almost singing to him. Mallorie thought,  _ this is the last time. This is the last time that I will get to do it for him. _ "She had so many children, and loved them all, too. She said, Thank you Lord Jesus, for sending them bread." she touched his cheek with her nose, but James didn't giggle at her like he usually did. "Then kissed them all gladly, and sent them to bed..."

“Goodbye, Mommy.” he told her, and closed his eyes. 

“Goodbye, angel.” she said, and then left. 

(Five minutes after that and she was dead). 


End file.
